EXCERPT FROM NEW BOOK
HOLLYWOOD BLACKJACK: AN UNCENSORED GUIDE
TO DOING IT LIKE A PRO
The "bad of boy of blackjack" Hollywood Dave Stann has written a new book on blackjack. And itís a good one. Youíve probably seen Dave with his tri-colored hair and wild attire on any number of televised blackjack shows. Heís the loudmouth-looking punk harassing his fellow players. Love him or hate him, Dave knows his blackjack Ė from playing tournaments (he is one of the best) to extracting chips from casinos everywhere (he is a world class card counter), Dave lets it all hang out in his "uncensored" (I warned you) book on how to beat the casinos at blackjack, and his rise to top dog on televised blackjack shows. Having played with Dave and partied with him (just a little), I can honestly say he is really a nice guy off the air. We have copies in stock; the book is available in our store at 10% discount. Click here for details.
The following is an excerpt from Chapter 6, Keeping it on the Down Low.
When Counting Goes Wrong
Or, what to do when you get thrown out on your ass! Sure, youíll wear the first barring or two as a certain badge of honor ó but after that, itís just no fun. To that end, hereís the survival guide youíll need when they finally do come for you.
The mildest form of barring is called a "backoff" and is the nicest way to get fucked by the casinos; this is the equivalent of at least being cooked breakfast in the morning before being asked to leave. They want you to know the gig is up, and if youíre smart, youíll take off before things get any nastier. This can be pretty intimidating, but quell your fear for a moment and realize that, by immediately leaving, you only confirm their suspicions about you. Make some protests, pretend to be flattered, act bewildered ó then wander off to a craps table to spend a few carefree moments throwiní da bones before "getting bored" and finally wandering off. Just be sure you stay away from the cage on your way out since itís the best place for the casino to snap a nice, clear picture of you for their records ó or worse, Griffinís.
The next level occurs when you are unceremoniously "86ed." This barring leaves open the possibility of your return. Sure, theyíll harass and heckle you, rudely tell you to leave and never come back, and make you feel generally uncomfortable ó but as long as you get out the door without having the Trespass Act read to you, the casino can take no legal action against you if and when you return.
The third type of barring is one you really need to pay attention to: being "trespassed." This is when you are not only 86ed, but a casino representative officially recites the Trespass Act on your way out ó itís kind of like the Miranda Act, but actually, itís legal mumbo jumbo for "Fuck off, donít come back, and if you do, weíll have your ass arrested." Because casinos are considered private property, they have the right to decide who stays and who goes. Atlantic City is an exception, thanks to Kenny Ustonís lawsuit back in the í80s.
As for what youíll actually go through, well, thatís just no fun at all. Generally, itís a very organized event where a no-nonsense pit boss appears and tells you in no uncertain terms that you are a complete knee-biting jerk for being intelligent enough to count cards, that your kind isnít welcome here, and blah, blah, blah.
First, stay cool. Remember, youíre not doing anything wrong ó and, more importantly, youíre supposedly not even counting cards in the first place, right? So step one here is to proclaim your innocence; you donít want to seem too insistent or adamant, but rather protest just enough to register your opposition without appearing belligerent or uncooperative. Along the same lines, you donít want to make any sudden movements ó keep your hands exposed in a non-threatening, neutral position where everybody can see them.
Your goal at all times should be to make it out the front door alive, and to aid you in your endeavor, chew on these truisms: Itís illegal for them to detain you, force you to hand over your identification, or block your exit in any way ó provided you act in a peaceful, complacent manner. Sure, they may try to stop you from leaving or make you feel like youíre in "trouble," but as long as you are only being thrown out for advantage play, they have no jurisdiction over you save for escorting you out. At this point you have already proclaimed your innocence and should be clearly telling them something along the lines of, "Fine, I donít want any problems, Iíll leave right now." Collect your chips from the table ó yes, they are yours to keep, since you have not committed any crime ó and walk slowly, deliberately, and directly towards the nearest exit while announcing your intention to leave so that thereís no miscommunication and you get the attention of witnesses passing by.
Then, walk calmly out the door and do not even think about stopping at the cage to cash in. Not only is it the best spot in the casino to snap a good picture of you, but itís the one place where demanding identification is acceptable. Do not make any sudden movements, do not pass go, do not collect $200, and do not pick up a copy of the casino home game. Game over, folks. Have a friend come back on another shift to cash out your chips, or if you have to do it yourself, wait a day or two and do so in small increments.
The scariest type of barring is when you are "backroomed." There are times when, despite your best efforts to leave the premises peacefully, an arrogant pit critter will demand you accompany him to a back room, and the team of security guards surrounding you interprets any move towards the door as an act of non-compliance. Sometimes you will be physically unable to leave; all you can do in this situation is repeatedly tell the assembled staff that you are not going to any back room, that you want to leave, and that if they insist on violating your rights, then they must summon the police and the Gaming Commission before you will move. Make a scene. Make it clear that you know they have absolutely no right to backroom you. If you are forced into a back room, shut the hell up, demand a lawyer, the police, and the Gaming Commission. The path of least resistance for them is to just throw you out and try to scare you a bit along the way for good measure. Keep your chin up and youíll get through this all okay!
The last piece of barring etiquette you need to know is when itís cool to return to casinos from which youíve previously been barred. If youíve only been backed off, then Iíd say you can come back a month or two later, albeit on a different shift. If you are actually 86ed from a joint, stay away for at least six months, and come back only with extreme caution, on a different shift, most likely wearing some form of disguise. However, in the event you have been officially trespassed from a joint, the best policy is actually to just never come back. No amount of money is ever really worth getting thrown in jail over. If you really feel like the table conditions at the casino in question are so insanely good that you simply must return, then itís at your own peril. Do as you will ó itíll be our little secret!
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